How my time is spent as a mommy

There are 24 hours in a day. This is how I spend mine.


30 minutes changing diapers


1 hour doing laundry


1 hour cooking dinner and cleaning up


1 and a half hours breastfeeding


1 hour a day cleaning up after little man


30 minutes feeding little man new and yummy things (he likes peas!)


30 minutes (or less) watching tv


4 to 5 hours playing with little man


2 hours carrying little man in the sling and walking (the mall counts as exercise, right?) - side note- why can I never spell exercise correctly? Thank the lord for spell check.


1 hour putting Dylan to bed - sometimes more


2 hours shopping for groceries, baby items and baby proofing supplies


30 minutes total putting Dylan in the car seat, and taking him out, putting back in, then taking him out, etc, etc.


30 minutes eating my own food. I try to eat slowly and enjoy my food, but there is sometimes no way to do this. Also, most of the time I have forgotten to eat the last meal and once I sit down to eat, I am starving.


2 hours hanging out alone with Jeff. This is golden time. Jeff and I get to sit and enjoy each other's company and not have Dylan around to distract us.


15 minutes getting ready. This includes shower, makeup, hair, and picking out and putting clothes on.


15 minutes getting Dylan ready. This includes picking out clothes and attempting to put them on him. Squirmy little stinker!


1 hour rocking Dylan and calming him after waking up in the middle of the night crying.


1 hour sitting in bed wishing I could fall back to sleep.


and Finally....


3.5 hours of actual sleep


Welcome to my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.


I have been blessed. I thank the Lord for every minute I have as a mommy, because I know how quickly it can be taken from you.


Now I have to go because I am about to enjoy my 2 hours of alone time with Jeff. Adios!

Things I hate

1. Women who take a gorgeous "after giving birth" picture. Here is mine:

Not cute. Not even close.

2. I hate women who criticize your parenting approach that don't have kids. You don't even know. I used to think that moms that let their kids yell in a restaurant are bad moms. Then I became a mom. Nothing you do will make them quiet. And in the process of taking them out of the high chair to calm them down, there are moms giving you the "I feel your pain look", and non- moms giving you the "shut your kid up" look. If you aren't a mom, don't give judge me.

3. I hate it when people feel like they have to put you down to make themselves look better. Listen, I am not hurt by your words, I am sad for you. What sad pathetic little life must you lead in order to make me feel bad about myself? I know my personal failures, and having you point those out to me only makes you look like a tool.

4. I hate it when people judge me for breastfeeding. These boobies were made for this purpose. They were not made for my husband to use as fun bags, although that is a perk. If you did the research about breastfeeding and it's benefits, you would keep quiet.

5. I hate it when people judge moms that use formula. Some moms have no choice. Some moms have a choice and choose it because of one reason or another. But unless you are in their shoes, zip it.

6. I hate it when not so skinny ladies wear tube tops. I do not need to see your chub, I have my own, thank you.

7. When someone sees that your hands are full, you have a baby on one arm, groceries in the other, and with the magic that only happens when you are a mommy, you are pushing a stroller with the third hand, and they let the door slam in your face. Listen, I promise that nothing bad will happen if you hold the door. You will not die, you will still make it home in time for dinner, and I promise that if you do in fact hold the door, you will not get a nasty look from me. It is Tennessee, a southern state, a state that is know for polite people. Please don't make me regret moving here. Hold the darn door.

8. Skinny girls. Period.

9. Ironing. I hate it. I have put off ironing Jeff's work clothes for 2 weeks. I would rather fold an entire basket of clothes than iron one shirt.

There are more things I hate, but right now I have 4 pants and 6 shirts to iron. Crap.

Friends

From left: Erin, Kelly, Katie,  Jessica, Sarah, me

These are my awesome friends. They were my bridesmaids. This picture was taken on November 18, 2004, 2 days before I got married.


So much has changed since this picture was taken.


First of all, Erin's hair was much more red back then. Although she still has 6 cats, and still has Sean. :)


Kelly is married and has a little girl the same age as Dylan. Her hair hasn't changed much. ;)


Katie is married, with 2 kids. She didn't know her hubby when this picture was taken. I am sure that he was off somewhere watching baseball. :)


Jessica is married as well now. She also didn't know her husband back then. Her hair is blonde now. And longer. 


Sarah has 2 boys, and a man in her life. When this picture was taken, she was dating someone else. With no kids. In fact, she told me she didn't want kids. HA! She is one of the best moms I know.


Me, well you all know the story. I met a Tennessee boy, fell in love, got married, and 6 years later had a baby boy.  Then 1 year later (11 months to be exact) had a second little boy. 


If you would have told this skinny, naive Carrie everything that would happen in the next 7 years of her life. I am not sure that she would have believed you.


But that's the beauty in life, the element of surprise.


Some things never change, though.


Erin is still one of my best friends. Even though we live 2,000 miles apart, we talk about once a week and try to catch up. She still has one of the biggest hearts, and would give you the shirt off her back. She went with me to pick out wedding dresses and helped me pick "the one". She has a beautiful voice. She sang at out wedding. It was wonderful. I think that I cried.


Kelly and I didn't talk much after I moved to Tennessee, but now we stay connected on Facebook. We exchange mommy advice and it seems like we go through the same milestones with our kids together. Right now it is teething. And we both just wish those darn teeth would just show up so we can get some peace and our kids would be less cranky!


Katie is still a good friend. She and I don't talk on the phone often because she is a busy working momma. But when we do talk, it is like no time has passed. We made our kids - Brendan and Carly - meet, once Brendan was out of the hospital, and all but forced them to like each other. It didn't go over well. Brendan made her cry. Katie is such an easy going person. Being around her makes me feel mellow. I long to be that calm some day, and not so high strung like I am now. Katie is my inspiration.


Jessica is the funniest friend I have. She can take the worst situation and make you laugh. Anything at all. Grandmother just died? She will make you laugh. I am not sure how she does it, but she has a light in her that makes others light up as well. We have known each other for a long, long, time. We would make Del Tacos runs in the middle of the night and listen to random music in my dad's 4- Runner. Jessica is the kind of friend that would do anything for you. She is always thinking about what she can do to make someone's day. Just thinking about her makes me smile because of the random things we have done together and the fun times that we have had.


Sarah was the first person I told when I broke up with my controlling ex boyfriend. He didn't want us to hang out, and so I didn't see her for a while. When I told her I broke it off, she didn't hold a grudge and even took me out drinking to celebrate my 21st birthday 6 months after the fact. Her second son was born the day that Brendan died. A week after she gave birth, she was at Brendan's memorial. A week. She has always been there for me as well. She is a wonderful mommy and a great friend.


I am a blessed woman. I have wonderful friends. 


So much has happened in the past 6 and a half years. But I wouldn't change a thing.


God gave me these trials for a reason. I am a stronger woman, wife and mother because of the things that have happened.


I wouldn't change a thing. Except perhaps to go back and tell myself to avoid the lure of Double Stuf Oreos.

My favorite moments with Brendan

1. Driving to Tustin in the middle of a tornado warning. I was supposed to meet a friend at Target. I didn't know if I should go home or keep driving. Brendan and I got to Target in one piece. He of course was oblivious. He fell asleep in the car and had no idea that anything was going on. My friend Stacey and her twins met us. It was her first time meeting Brendan. Her little ones were crying and Brendan just sat in my arms nice and happy. That was Brendan. He was always happy. 

2. Our first outing with Brendan. It was Saturday morning. Jeff and I brought Brendan home Friday. It was such a long day; getting used to the equipment, feeding him, getting him settled into his new routine, getting used to the idea that we were parents and we had to take care of a sick baby. We were exhausted. Friday night we each got like 20 minutes of sleep. We had very little food in the house. I think that we had cheese and pickles. So Saturday evening we decided, after eating all the cheese and pickles we could handle, that we needed food. We walked to Carl's Jr. We put Brendan in the stroller and headed on over. It was great. For a few minutes, we were a normal family. We had a guy at Carl's take a picture. We couldn't get Brendan in the picture. He was sleeping in the stroller and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't do it. So this is the picture:

3. The day we had Brendan baptized. Our friend and pastor Justin did it for us. He is the one that married Jeff and me. So we thought that it was only appropriate for him to baptize our first born. We didn't want people there, we just wanted it to be us and Justin. We did it at the pool in our apartment complex. It was the closest place that we knew of that had water. It was a beautiful day in January. We prayed together and then Justin held Brendan and poured the water over his head and baptized him. It was wonderful.

There are many moments that I loved with Brendan, but writing about them is making me sad. So I am going to stop here. I will write more soon.

Thanks for listening and for letting me keep Brendan's memory alive through my blog.

Things I love

1. Bohemian Rhapsody. Queen. Wayne's World. Amazing. Makes me smile every time I hear it or see it.


2. My morning nap with Dylan. A.) because I get to snuggle with him, B.) because it happens like clock work every day and C.) because I am usually so exhausted from the night before that I run towards the bed so fast, it is as if I am being chased by a puma. A very large puma. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, nap time. I think I need one right now. I am making less sense than usual....


3. Baking. Brownies, cookies, cakes, cupcakes, anything with chocolate. 


4. Eating the stuff I bake. I usually try to bake for an occasion so I don't end up eating all the yumminess myself.

5. Writing. I hope to write a book one day. Yeah, you know with all the free time I have. 


6. In N Out Burger. I am actually considering driving the 48 hours to get one cheese burger. Well, let's be honest, if I drove that far I am pretty sure that I would get more than one burger.....


7. Double Stuf Oreos. Best. Thing. Ever. Why would you get regular oreos when you could have double the white, fattening creme in the middle. It baffles the mind.


8. Being a mommy. I love it. Best job ever. However thankless and exhausting it may be, it still beats a nine to five.


9. The Dave Matthews Band. I know that they are, like, so 90's, but still they are still awesome. Don't deny it. You know that you have caught yourself singing along to Crash in your car.


10. Friends. Well, you guys are awesome, too, but I mean the tv show. I love it. I have watched the entire season so many times that I can't count. I could recite the entire series to you if you asked. I dare you, ask me.....


11. Cooking. I love being in the kitchen and making yummy foods. I also love eating it. Did I mention that I love eating? I did? Oh sorry....


12. Scrabble. I love it when I get a great word and I make Jeff sweat. (On another post I need to write about the things I hate: Losing. I always lose to Jeff in Scrabble. To date, we have played a few dozen games, and to date I have won exactly zero.) Stupid Scrabble....


13. New York City. In another life I would live there with my 2.5 kids, my penthouse apartment, my designer clothes, and my super rich husband. I would throw elaborate parties where it looked like I did all the work, but really I would spend all day at the spa while my staff of chefs, maids, nannies, and drivers did all the work. Ahhhh, what a life....


14. High heels. This may surprise you. Because those of you that have seen me in the past 15 years have probably seen me in converse, flip flops, or tennis shoes. Even to church I wore one of those three types of shoes. But this still doesn't change the fact that I love high heels. I just can't wear them because I am a klutz (see this post for further proof of my klutziness). If I had my choice, I would wear them all the time with my designer clothes and fancy handbags. This is however not my lot in life. I am destined to wear jeans, flip flops, and tank tops. Because, let's be honest, I would be ticked off if Dylan threw up on my $800 pair of Jimmy Choo's. It is much easier to hose of a pair of rainbows.....


Those are just a few things that I love. Stay tuned for more. Because, depending on my mood, the things I love change daily. Oh I just thought of one more thing I love: My husband for putting up with my mind changing and mood swings. :)


Oh, want to see one more thing that I love?

This face. :)

Count your blessings

1. There are times that I get ticked that Jeff has to stay late at work and miss dinner.
- Then I realize that there are wives out there who's husbands are working overseas and they will miss dinner for months to come.


2. There are times that I get frustrated that Dylan won't sleep through the night.
-Then I realize that there are moms out there who have lost their children (I am one) and who would do anything to be up all night with a healthy, happy baby.


3. There are times that I wish I was skinnier.
-Then I realize that there are people in this world, this nation, this city who will go to bed hungry tonight. And it makes me feel like I am lucky to have food, so much in fact that at times, I eat too much of it.


4. There are times that I wish I had more stuff, cooler phone, nicer clothes, more money etc.
-Then I realize that I am very fortunate to have a home, clothes, and a cell phone. I am in the middle class and I have little to worry about when it comes to money. There are people who worry about how they are going to feed their children every day.


5. There are times that I wish I could sleep in and just have a few minutes to myself.
-Then I realize that there are people out there who are all alone and have no one to care for, or to care for them. They would do anything to have family around to care for.


6. There are times that I miss my friends, and family in California and I get sad.
-Then I realize that I am blessed to have a phone, a computer, and a webcam. I can talk to my friends and family when I want (if they want to talk to me of course). I realize that my wonderful mother who lives 2000 miles away, is only a phone call away.


I have had a lot of crap happen in my life. But losing my son, moving across the country, and having to start my life over has taught me to appreciate the small things in life.


I get up in the middle of the night and (most of the time) smile because Dylan's only problem is that he wants to be held, fed and snuggled. He is healthy and I get to hold him whenever I want. 


Losing my first son has taught me to appreciate the mundane motherly tasks that most take for granted. 


The Lord has given me trials and I am thankful that he has used those to teach me and show others his love.


I have said it before, but it bears repeating. I never knew that I was strong enough to go through all these trails, but I am flattered that God thinks so.


"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13


Here are three of my blessings:

My Mother's Day

Mother's Day. Something that in the past I have only been a spectator in.


Today, however, I got to be a player.


I woke up twice with Dylan last night (which was a relief after getting up at least 4 times since he has been sick). Each time I held him and nursed him and looked at his perfect little face. It has been 7 and a half months, and I still can't believe that he is mine.


This time last year I was mourning the death of my first born, but rejoicing about being pregnant again.


I was a nervous wreck wondering if this baby would be sick, too, or if he would be healthy and happy.


This time last year I was able to sleep through the night, with the exception of waking up every hour to pee (gotta love being pregnant!)


This time last year I was holding back tears all day. All I wanted to do was hold my baby in my arms.


Today, I was holding back tears as well, but this time it was because I stood in front of friends and family and dedicated my son.


This time last year all I wanted was to have this new little person in my arms to hold.


Today I got my wish.


My little man is healthy, and happy. He is perfect and he is a blessing.


Today, Pastor Scott said that God gives and he takes away. I am so thankful that God chose to give me two wonderful boys. Even if he did take one away, he also gave me one as well. And that is the most amazing mother's day gift ever.