Big smiles in heaven

A friend tonight posted that she is going to have a long night because her son isn't sleeping well. I wish that was me. I would do anything to be up all night with Brendan.

I remember one night he didn't sleep well because he was having seizures. He got really fussy and wanted to be held all night long. He finally fell asleep in my arms. It was a very long night, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I hate feeling jealous of my friends. I want to be happy for them, but all I keep thinking is that I should be staying up all night dealing with a fussy baby. I should be wearing pajama pants to the grocery store and not showering until noon.

I don't know how I am "supposed" to feel. I know that Brendan is happy. I know that he can take a deep breath and can see everything around him and comprehend everything, too. He is surrounded by angels; Eric, Glenda, and many more that are taking care of him and showing him the ropes. I imagine that Brendan is climbing trees, riding bikes, playing in the mud, and smiling all the time. I imagine that God is watching Brendan out of the corner of his eyes just to make sure that he is okay.

Dear God, please take care of my Brenny. Please let him know that mommy and daddy miss him, but that we will see him soon. Thank you for the time that we had with him. I know that he is happy to be with you and is smiling that big smile right now.