1/28/10

I went shopping today with my mom. I really needed some retail therapy. I had a good time. It is weird, though. Even in the times that I am enjoying myself, he is always on my mind. It is like my arms miss the way that it feels to have him in them. When it is quiet, I can still hear his crying. When I lay in bed, I can still imagine that he is laying next to me during one of our naps.

I am not sure when the feeling will end. I suppose that it never will. And to be honest, I am not sure that I want it to.

My life has been forever changed because of Brendan. I am a mommy. I have the mommy badge of honor (stretch marks :)). I carried him 9 months and 2 days. I have endured labor. I have loved more in 3 months than most people love in a lifetime. I have also experienced more pain in 3 months than I have ever experienced. I have also experienced the mommy instinct and almost strangled a nurse :) because I know what my son needs. I also know that every single decision I made as a mom was in the best interest of my son. They were the hardest decisions ever, but I know that they were the best for him. There is nothing that I would change. I am so glad that Brendan was with us for the time that he was. I would not change that for anything in the world.