I dodged a bullet

Tonight I was listening to KLOVE radio on the way home from church. A man called up to ask for prayer. He said that his wife was pregnant and they lost the baby at 34 weeks. His wife developed HELLP syndrome and in addition to losing their baby, his wife is in critical condition.


I had HELLP syndrome with Dylan. I knew that it could be serious, but I didn't realize it could be life threatening. 


After I heard this husband on the radio talk about his situation, they played a song that says "Forever you are faithful, forever you are strong, forever you are with us, Forever." 


God is always with us. He may not give us the outcome we want. We may lose a loved one. 


He may put his healing hand over us and give us a healthy baby and keep us safe despite the doctors thinking otherwise.


But no matter what, God is with us.


I know that there are some of you that are going through the loss of a loved one. I have friends that have husbands overseas. I have a dear friend who's husband is going to be going overseas soon. Some of you are dealing with sickness. We all have something. But God is always there. Even when it seems hopeless. 


When Brendan was on this earth and sick and having surgery upon surgery, there were days that things seemed hopeless. But then God would give me a simple reminder of his faithfulness. No matter what, it is all apart of his plan. 


Call upon the Lord and he will give you peace.


The man on the radio is named Tim and his wife's name is Nancy. Please pray for them today.

My life in tv....

1. My So Called Wife- Poor Jeff, I am but a chubby, flabby version of my former self.

2. So You Think You Can Crawl?- Dylan has started crawling. He is into everything. He is fast, too. Don't turn your back, otherwise he will eat your cell phone. It is funny because he always leaves one leg dragging behind. He is a little gimpy. :)

3. Real Housewives of Knoxville- Lunch at Chick Fil A, play dates in the park, and shopping trips to Wal-Mart. Life is glamorous. The real high class days, I go to Target.

4. The Biggest Pooper- This one speaks for itself. (Dylan, not me.....)

5. Ugly Mommy- Dark circles, messy hair, and spit up on every outfit I own.

6. Extreme Makeover Home Edition- Every day is a home makeover. By the end of the day, the house has gone from messy, toys everywhere, spit up all over the carpet, to toys cleaned up, carpet salvaged, and spic and span!


7. 29 and Chubby- Yep, that's me. You have 2 kids in 2 years and tell me what your stomach looks like after the whole ordeal.


8. Law and Order Special Discipline Unit- Dylan don't touch that! Oh no not mommy's purse! Every day little man is exploring and learning. I just laugh and then realize that I should have baby proofed the house before now.


9. The Secret Life of an American Mother- some days I don't get out of my pjs. I will not wash my hair for a couple days, throw a flower in it and call it a day. Sometimes I will not take a shower. I will just throw on more deodorant and pray for the best.


10. The Late Late Show with Carrie Plemons- Yep, that show has been on for 9 months now, and I am guessing it will continue to air for another 18 years....

Why I love staying at my in laws house

1. The food. Last night for dinner we had steak. Not just any steak, farm raised beef from their farm. I had filet mignon. It was amazing. This morning I am going to make eggs. Eggs that were laid from their chickens last night. Yummy!


2. Babysitters 24/7. Hey Carrie, want a nap? Want to pee alone? Want to take a shower without a child banging on the shower doors? Go for it!


3. Jeff's mom keeps a cookie jar. All the time. She is the best grandma ever! Dylan is going to love coming here once mommy lets him eat cookies. For now, I love coming here....although my weigh in at Weight Watchers is going to be tough this week, but whatever, I only had three. :)


4. They have cable. I finally get to catch up on my reality tv shows. The ones that aren't on Hulu like all the Bravo shows. Love it.


5. They have chickens. We get to feed the chickens. Dylan loves to feed the chickens. Well, he loves to watch mimi feed them.


6. Right next to the chickens are the cows. The cows that I am going to enjoy next fall. I have already selected my filet....


7. They have a Costco here. I am going to stock up. On what I do not know. But I am sure they are selling something that I just have to have. :)


8. They have a huge house. It is gorgeous. It is relaxing and the back porch looks out onto a pasture. The front porch looks out onto a field and the neighbors pasture and his 100 cows. If you squint, you can almost forget what century you are in.


9. Today I am getting a pedicure. This is kinda the same thing as #2, because Jeff and his mom are going to watch Dylan while I sit and get a foot rub and zone out.... Ahhhh


10. They have a scale. I have not owned a scale since I married Jeff. I left mine at my mom's house. So, it is nice to come here and make sure that the oreos have not completely taken over my body. And it is fun to see how much weight I lose breastfeeding. So far about 50 pounds from the final weight right before Dylan was born. I know, I know, I was a cow. Just go ahead and throw me out on the pasture.... :)


11a. It is like a mini vacation every time we come. I love it.


11b. I forgot one thing. They have Charmin toilet paper here. It is like wiping your tushy with a cloud. I love it. Not only do I get a mini vacation, but my tush does, too. :)


Well I have to go now and get ready for my pedicure. :) It's okay, you can be jealous.

How my time is spent as a mommy

There are 24 hours in a day. This is how I spend mine.


30 minutes changing diapers


1 hour doing laundry


1 hour cooking dinner and cleaning up


1 and a half hours breastfeeding


1 hour a day cleaning up after little man


30 minutes feeding little man new and yummy things (he likes peas!)


30 minutes (or less) watching tv


4 to 5 hours playing with little man


2 hours carrying little man in the sling and walking (the mall counts as exercise, right?) - side note- why can I never spell exercise correctly? Thank the lord for spell check.


1 hour putting Dylan to bed - sometimes more


2 hours shopping for groceries, baby items and baby proofing supplies


30 minutes total putting Dylan in the car seat, and taking him out, putting back in, then taking him out, etc, etc.


30 minutes eating my own food. I try to eat slowly and enjoy my food, but there is sometimes no way to do this. Also, most of the time I have forgotten to eat the last meal and once I sit down to eat, I am starving.


2 hours hanging out alone with Jeff. This is golden time. Jeff and I get to sit and enjoy each other's company and not have Dylan around to distract us.


15 minutes getting ready. This includes shower, makeup, hair, and picking out and putting clothes on.


15 minutes getting Dylan ready. This includes picking out clothes and attempting to put them on him. Squirmy little stinker!


1 hour rocking Dylan and calming him after waking up in the middle of the night crying.


1 hour sitting in bed wishing I could fall back to sleep.


and Finally....


3.5 hours of actual sleep


Welcome to my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.


I have been blessed. I thank the Lord for every minute I have as a mommy, because I know how quickly it can be taken from you.


Now I have to go because I am about to enjoy my 2 hours of alone time with Jeff. Adios!

Things I hate

1. Women who take a gorgeous "after giving birth" picture. Here is mine:

Not cute. Not even close.

2. I hate women who criticize your parenting approach that don't have kids. You don't even know. I used to think that moms that let their kids yell in a restaurant are bad moms. Then I became a mom. Nothing you do will make them quiet. And in the process of taking them out of the high chair to calm them down, there are moms giving you the "I feel your pain look", and non- moms giving you the "shut your kid up" look. If you aren't a mom, don't give judge me.

3. I hate it when people feel like they have to put you down to make themselves look better. Listen, I am not hurt by your words, I am sad for you. What sad pathetic little life must you lead in order to make me feel bad about myself? I know my personal failures, and having you point those out to me only makes you look like a tool.

4. I hate it when people judge me for breastfeeding. These boobies were made for this purpose. They were not made for my husband to use as fun bags, although that is a perk. If you did the research about breastfeeding and it's benefits, you would keep quiet.

5. I hate it when people judge moms that use formula. Some moms have no choice. Some moms have a choice and choose it because of one reason or another. But unless you are in their shoes, zip it.

6. I hate it when not so skinny ladies wear tube tops. I do not need to see your chub, I have my own, thank you.

7. When someone sees that your hands are full, you have a baby on one arm, groceries in the other, and with the magic that only happens when you are a mommy, you are pushing a stroller with the third hand, and they let the door slam in your face. Listen, I promise that nothing bad will happen if you hold the door. You will not die, you will still make it home in time for dinner, and I promise that if you do in fact hold the door, you will not get a nasty look from me. It is Tennessee, a southern state, a state that is know for polite people. Please don't make me regret moving here. Hold the darn door.

8. Skinny girls. Period.

9. Ironing. I hate it. I have put off ironing Jeff's work clothes for 2 weeks. I would rather fold an entire basket of clothes than iron one shirt.

There are more things I hate, but right now I have 4 pants and 6 shirts to iron. Crap.

Friends

From left: Erin, Kelly, Katie,  Jessica, Sarah, me

These are my awesome friends. They were my bridesmaids. This picture was taken on November 18, 2004, 2 days before I got married.


So much has changed since this picture was taken.


First of all, Erin's hair was much more red back then. Although she still has 6 cats, and still has Sean. :)


Kelly is married and has a little girl the same age as Dylan. Her hair hasn't changed much. ;)


Katie is married, with 2 kids. She didn't know her hubby when this picture was taken. I am sure that he was off somewhere watching baseball. :)


Jessica is married as well now. She also didn't know her husband back then. Her hair is blonde now. And longer. 


Sarah has 2 boys, and a man in her life. When this picture was taken, she was dating someone else. With no kids. In fact, she told me she didn't want kids. HA! She is one of the best moms I know.


Me, well you all know the story. I met a Tennessee boy, fell in love, got married, and 6 years later had a baby boy.  Then 1 year later (11 months to be exact) had a second little boy. 


If you would have told this skinny, naive Carrie everything that would happen in the next 7 years of her life. I am not sure that she would have believed you.


But that's the beauty in life, the element of surprise.


Some things never change, though.


Erin is still one of my best friends. Even though we live 2,000 miles apart, we talk about once a week and try to catch up. She still has one of the biggest hearts, and would give you the shirt off her back. She went with me to pick out wedding dresses and helped me pick "the one". She has a beautiful voice. She sang at out wedding. It was wonderful. I think that I cried.


Kelly and I didn't talk much after I moved to Tennessee, but now we stay connected on Facebook. We exchange mommy advice and it seems like we go through the same milestones with our kids together. Right now it is teething. And we both just wish those darn teeth would just show up so we can get some peace and our kids would be less cranky!


Katie is still a good friend. She and I don't talk on the phone often because she is a busy working momma. But when we do talk, it is like no time has passed. We made our kids - Brendan and Carly - meet, once Brendan was out of the hospital, and all but forced them to like each other. It didn't go over well. Brendan made her cry. Katie is such an easy going person. Being around her makes me feel mellow. I long to be that calm some day, and not so high strung like I am now. Katie is my inspiration.


Jessica is the funniest friend I have. She can take the worst situation and make you laugh. Anything at all. Grandmother just died? She will make you laugh. I am not sure how she does it, but she has a light in her that makes others light up as well. We have known each other for a long, long, time. We would make Del Tacos runs in the middle of the night and listen to random music in my dad's 4- Runner. Jessica is the kind of friend that would do anything for you. She is always thinking about what she can do to make someone's day. Just thinking about her makes me smile because of the random things we have done together and the fun times that we have had.


Sarah was the first person I told when I broke up with my controlling ex boyfriend. He didn't want us to hang out, and so I didn't see her for a while. When I told her I broke it off, she didn't hold a grudge and even took me out drinking to celebrate my 21st birthday 6 months after the fact. Her second son was born the day that Brendan died. A week after she gave birth, she was at Brendan's memorial. A week. She has always been there for me as well. She is a wonderful mommy and a great friend.


I am a blessed woman. I have wonderful friends. 


So much has happened in the past 6 and a half years. But I wouldn't change a thing.


God gave me these trials for a reason. I am a stronger woman, wife and mother because of the things that have happened.


I wouldn't change a thing. Except perhaps to go back and tell myself to avoid the lure of Double Stuf Oreos.

My favorite moments with Brendan

1. Driving to Tustin in the middle of a tornado warning. I was supposed to meet a friend at Target. I didn't know if I should go home or keep driving. Brendan and I got to Target in one piece. He of course was oblivious. He fell asleep in the car and had no idea that anything was going on. My friend Stacey and her twins met us. It was her first time meeting Brendan. Her little ones were crying and Brendan just sat in my arms nice and happy. That was Brendan. He was always happy. 

2. Our first outing with Brendan. It was Saturday morning. Jeff and I brought Brendan home Friday. It was such a long day; getting used to the equipment, feeding him, getting him settled into his new routine, getting used to the idea that we were parents and we had to take care of a sick baby. We were exhausted. Friday night we each got like 20 minutes of sleep. We had very little food in the house. I think that we had cheese and pickles. So Saturday evening we decided, after eating all the cheese and pickles we could handle, that we needed food. We walked to Carl's Jr. We put Brendan in the stroller and headed on over. It was great. For a few minutes, we were a normal family. We had a guy at Carl's take a picture. We couldn't get Brendan in the picture. He was sleeping in the stroller and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't do it. So this is the picture:

3. The day we had Brendan baptized. Our friend and pastor Justin did it for us. He is the one that married Jeff and me. So we thought that it was only appropriate for him to baptize our first born. We didn't want people there, we just wanted it to be us and Justin. We did it at the pool in our apartment complex. It was the closest place that we knew of that had water. It was a beautiful day in January. We prayed together and then Justin held Brendan and poured the water over his head and baptized him. It was wonderful.

There are many moments that I loved with Brendan, but writing about them is making me sad. So I am going to stop here. I will write more soon.

Thanks for listening and for letting me keep Brendan's memory alive through my blog.