Yes, I said part three.
My mom is in town. She arrived on Wednesday. Jeff started his vacation on Thursday. I am a stay at home mom and therefore am always on vacation. HA! Just making sure that you are paying attention. I am a stay at home mom and therefore never get a vacation, except during those glorious times when I get an hour to myself to either shower without my son in the room, or when I get to take a bath in complete silence. Ahhh.
Anyways. Saturday I was having a hankering for some tacos. I convinced mom and Jeff to go to Salsarita's with me.
Now, let's take a minute to talk about the last incident. It occurred over 2 weeks ago. Let's let it go, shall we?
Yeah not going to happen. Because apparently I am the laughing stock of the East Side Salsarita's.
We walked in and one employee (I prefer to call him Dumpy- because he is short, chubby and, well, if you make fun of me you get a mean nickname, okay?) started making gestures with his hands of a tray hitting him in the face.
Dude, keep it up and I will make it a reality. Don't test me, I got very little sleep last night and I am hungry.
While Dumpy was mocking me, the rest of the employees were trying not to laugh. Let's get one thing straight. If you are going to attempt not to laugh, try harder. Because snickering behind your spatula is not cutting it. And I am pretty sure that having it that close to your face is some kind of health violation.
After I got my tray of food and my glorious Diet Coke, I sat down to eat. This is where the mocking would end.
Boy was I wrong.
Dumpy came over to our table. He used the clever ruse that he needed to clean off the tables, but not once did I see him wipe one off. He came over and asked me how everything was tasting and then smiled that evil, I am imagining you with salsa all over your hair, smile. He asked if I managed to keep it all on the tray this time.
Dumpy, you are not funny. You are not clever. You are annoying. Stop trying to make jokes and flirt with me (I totally looked good and Jeff was not at the table at the time). Leave me alone.
By the way, someone should inform you that you shouldn't outwardly mock someone right in front of their mother.
It's poor form.
He finally left the table and from where I was sitting I could see all the employees glancing in my direction.
Yes, I am the one who catapulted a tray of tacos and chips into my face. I am the one who had to get salsa out of my hair for 45 minutes and the one whose hair smelled like salsa for a week afterward.
Look all you want. But I guarantee that even with salsa, chips and cheese in my bra, I am way cuter than you. I also have a lot more guts that you. I showed up at the scene of the crime and looked the criminal (the salsa) right in the face and, without incident, drippage, or stain, managed to show said criminal who was boss.
And Dumpy, if you ever want to get a girl, my advice is this:
#1) Get her some napkins when she throws 6 pounds of salsa in her hair, don't stand and laugh at her from behind the counter.
#2) Don't mock a girl in front of her mother. Because even if you win over the girl, to the mom, you will always be the guy who mocked her daughter. Besides, wouldn't it just be easier to chase her around the playground and pull her pigtails?
#3) Don't hit on a girl with a ring on her finger (a huge ring I might add- what? he doesn't know that it is fake because my fingers are fat from being pregnant for 2 years), who is with her 3 month old son and her mom. Pick one that is at least not married. And who doesn't have stretch marks for days.....nay....years.
#4) And lastly, comb your hair. Seriously. A little comb goes a long way. A very long way. And not combing your hair makes you look like a bum. And makes people give you nick names....like Dumpy.