1. Sleep is an impossibility.
I seriously haven't slept in 56 days. I love to sleep. Just ask my husband. The phrases my husband has heard the most in our 6 years of marriage are as follows: "Where is the chocolate?" and " I am going to go take a nap".
2. Stretch marks are sexy.
That's right. You girls with your cute, flat tummies, you don't know what you are missing. Flab is in. One piece bathing suits are sexy and you know it.
3. Spit up is the newest accessory.
I totally expect to see shirts and scarfs with spit up stains in the Spring collections of all the famous designers. Wait for it. It is coming.
Seriously, what is this thing you speak of? I wear foundation (thank you adult acne brought on by 2 straight years of pregnancy), mascara, and chapstick (because it's not manly to have your mom's lipstick smeared all over your face from all the kisses she gives you.)
5. Dinner is a necessary evil.
Stouffers is my friend. Frozen lasagna is wonderful. Left overs are amazing. I have made a few fancy dinners over the past 56 days, but I have learned to cook for a small army and freeze the leftovers. God Bless you Mr. Microwave.
6. Laundry is never ending.
How is it that adding one little person to your family can produce an exponential amount of laundry? It defies the laws of science, umm, gravity, umm, nature? Whatever. It is incredible the amount of laundry I have to do on a daily basis.
I used to think that when I become a stay at home mom, I would have all the time in the world to get things done. I even told Jeff that I was nervous to get rid of cable tv because I would have so much time on my hands and nothing to do. HA! I think that I watch 1 hour of tv a week. Getting rid of cable was a good idea. I have no time to watch it. I have no time for anything. I even forget to go to the bathroom.
8. Bladder infections are an inevitability.
Seriously. I will come home from running errands with one thing on my mind.....Must pee. Then I realize that if I don't put the groceries away they will spoil, then my child starts screaming because he is wet, or hungry, or just plain mad and I take care of him and hold him and get lost in how cute he is, and then before I know it, I have been home for 6 hours and haven't gone to the bathroom.
9. If you thought your husband was sexy, just wait until after you have kids.
There is nothing more attractive than seeing your manly husband hold your son and comfort him and give him little kisses. There is nothing more attractive than when your husband says, "go take a nap, I will take care of Dylan for a while." See #1 above.
10. Breastfed babies don't have smelly diapers.
This is not true. I was always told this, but I can in fact tell you that my child is 100% breastfed, and has the smelliest diapers ever. I suppose that mommy's diet of diet coke, chocolate, pizza and Salsarita's makes for a smelly diaper. I apologize in advance to anyone who changes his diapers.
11. I never thought that I could love someone this much.
I thought that my love would have to be split between my husband, Brendan and Dylan. But there is no limit to the amount of love that my heart can hold. My heart keeps getting bigger with every child I have. Jeff wants three kids. That's one big heart.....