Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Things I never thought I would experience as a mom

1. Getting thrown up on. Not just on my shirt, but down my leg, down my shirt into my bra, and in my hair. It was so bad that it pooled in my flip flop. My flip flops are currently soaking in the sink.

2. Less than 2 hours of sleep. The last time that I got less than 2 hours was in high school at the church over nighter. The morning after was rough. My life is one big morning after.

3. Not leaving the house after 6 pm. My life revolves around my son getting a good night sleep.

4. Not going on dates with my husband. Because that would mean leaving the house past 6 pm. For further explanation see #3.

5. More laundry that God himself could possibly ever clean. I have said it once and I will say it again, how can one child exponentially increase my loads of laundry. He is ONE LITTLE MAN!

6. Being touched, grabbed, poked, prodded, sucked on, snuggled, tugged at and groped every waking moment of the day, and no, not by my husband. That would be a welcome change. But by the end of the day I am too tired. For further explanation see #2

7. Poop, poop and more poop. Up his back, in his hair, down his leg. My child can poop. If there were an Olympic event on pooping, my child would win hands down. Because he could poop circles around any baby that dared go against him.

8. Insanity. Yes I am going crazy. Because in the middle of the night, I hear imaginary crying. I think I hear Dylan, I go into his room, and he is still and quiet. There are times that I know I have gone totally bonkers because I will hear Dylan while I am napping, I will sit up, listen again, and then realize that Jeff took Dylan to the store so I could rest. But I swear to you that I hear my baby's cries. Wow, I really am crazy.

9. A lightning fast baby who can crawl up the stairs in 3.4 seconds. I timed him. Okay that's a lie, but he is fast. Turn your head for a second and he is already out of the room and headed for the stairs. This is also why I lose weight so quickly. I chase this little climber all over the house.

10. Breastfeeding in public. Yes, I know, those of you that know me, know that I will totally feed him in the middle of a busy mall no problem. But I used to be way more terrified to show any part of my boob, side, top, anything. But, because Dylan literally refuses to be covered, I had to deal with it if I ever wanted to leave the house. Now, I would breastfeed in the middle of Times Square on New Years Eve. Because in my opinion, it is the most natural thing ever.

11. Eating anything I want and not gaining weight. This has not happened since high school. I used to be able to eat everything in sight and then fit into a size 4 jean. Okay fine I was a 6, but still. Today, because I have the little eating machine attached to my boob (in the middle of Times Square) at all times, I can eat anything. Tonight before dinner, I ate 6 handfuls of chocolate chips. Then for dinner I had a piece of pizza. Then I topped it off with a bowl of ice cream. And I am still not done eating for the night. I may have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or double stuf oreos, or brownies, or mashed potatoes, or garlic bread, or I could have chips and salsa. Wait, what was I talking about? I forgot. I am going to go raid the kitchen.

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