Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Mommy's arms

I am watching Grey's Anatomy. There was a patient that went into multi-system organ failure and they had to unplug him. It reminds me of Brendan. Granted, we didn't have to "unplug" Brendan. But he was very sick and we chose to let him go to heaven peacefully, without machines beeping and tubes attached to his little body. 

I am glad that Jeff and I made this decision. Brendan had 2 great weeks at home and he went to heaven while in my arms on the couch. We both fell asleep (I tried to stay awake and talk to him and tell him not to be scared until he passed), but at 4 am I couldn't take it anymore and I just closed my eyes for a few minutes. When I woke up, Brendan was already in heaven. 

I think that God did this on purpose. If I watched Brendan turn blue and stop breathing I may have tried to bring him back and keep him here. That was not God's plan. Brendan needed to be home with his Father. I am so very glad that we got 2 weeks at home and that my first born son died in my arms, snuggled up warm and tight. 

That's what we all want, after all isn't it? When we are sick and not feeling good, we just want our mommy. And I am glad that the last thing I did for Brendan was to be there for him and let him snuggle in his favorite place in the world: my arms.

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