Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Last Promise

I remember the last words that Jeff and I said to Brendan. Brendan had already passed and Jeff and I wanted to see his little body one more time. 

It was the day that Brendan died, and we had just finished meeting with the counselor at the funeral home and he asked us if we wanted to see him one last time. That was the longest walk of my life, down the stairs, and around the corner to the private viewing room. Brendan was wrapped up in his favorite blanket, wearing his dinosaur outfit that says GRRRR on it. He really did look like he was sleeping. I wanted Brendan to feel like his death was not going to ruin our lives. We were going to make sure that something good will come of this situation.

Jeff and I have heard that couples who experience the death of a child have a much higher divorce rate than any other couple. I can't imagine losing my son and then losing my husband as well. I think that I would go crazy.

So Jeff and I promised Brendan that we would not let his death tear us apart. We promised him that we would stay together, and that we would allow God to use his death as a way to bring us closer. We told Brendan that none of this was his fault. He was a perfect little boy that God wanted to bring home sooner than we had wanted. I said a little prayer with Jeff and cried several tears, and then left the room.

That was the last time that I saw Brendan's little body. He was cremated 2 weeks later on his uncle's birthday- the same uncle that Brendan was named after. Jeff and I have worked hard to not let the death of our little boy tear us apart. We work hard everyday to love each other, and to let the other be sad. We learned that we mourn in our own ways. We learned that there are some days that are harder than others. But we know that no matter what, we will always be Brendan's parents, and we will always be in this together. If there is anyone in this world that I love as much as Brendan, it is the man that helped me create him.


  1. wow!!!! That's all I can say is wow!!! You are such a great Christian and a wonderful wife! I can't imagine what you have gone through feels like so I'm not going to even try. I will tell you that your testimonies remind me to remember the strength I have and to lean more on God. B's life (WAY to short) reminds me to love each and every day and to cherish it! I love you girl and please remember that I'm always here for you if/when you ever need me!!!

  2. Carrie, you are incredible! Your strength and love are truly inspiring. I am so sorry that you have had to go through such a painful experience, but it is so encouraging that God can be glorified through this and you and Jeff can have an even better marriage because of it. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm always here if you ever want to talk :) Love you so much!

  3. Hey girl -

    I've really enjoyed reading your blog - such a beautiful expression of the love you and Jeff had for your little boy. I am excited to hear that the Lord has blessed you with another pregnancy so soon. My best to you and Jeff. I'm eagerly awaiting your next post - your writing is filled with the love and hope that we should all aspire to have for others, and it's wonderful that you share Brendan's life with us.

    - Sarah Tomlin