Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My pet peeves

This list has been a long time coming. Get ready for it. Here it comes!

1. If you are waiting to get onto the elevator, don't stand in front of the door. GET OUT OF MY WAY as I exit the elevator. You can't get on until I get off. MOVE!

2. To the vendors at the mall at the kiosks that are selling crap. I don't care. I am a busy mom. My hair is in a bun, and I have walking shoes on. Do I look like I have the time or the money to buy your crap? No. Leave me alone. If you hassle me, it is only going to piss me off more and I am likely to throw something at you.

3. While I am feeding my child, don't stare, and don't sneer at me. THIS IS THE WAY GOD INTENDED IT TO BE. I am not showing any part of my boob. My child's enormous head is blocking it. Get over it. This is the best thing that I can do for my baby, and you staring is not making it any easier. Besides, I guarantee that you don't want to see my boobs, they are not cute, trust me.

4. It is pronounced ASK, not AX. Say it correctly. You sound stupid.

5. Moms, don't let your child touch my baby. I know he's cute, but your child looks dirty. His fingernails are nasty, and I am pretty sure I just saw him stick his nasty finger up his nose. If you want me to smack his nasty little hand away from my baby, I will do it. But please save me the joy, and do it yourself.

6. Grandmas out there: If you have something to say to me, please say it to me, not my son. If it is 30 degrees outside and my child has on warm clothes but no hat, please do not look at my child and say "does your mommy not want to keep your little head warm? It's very cold outside." Thank you. We are walking 5 feet from my car (where the temperature is 85 degrees) to the door of Wal- Mart (where the temperature is 85 degrees). And for the record, not that it is any of your business, he had a hat, but he chose to rip it off and throw it somewhere in the back seat madness of my car. So shut it granny.

7. Grandmas out there: The same goes for socks. Listen, it is like 80 degrees and humid here in East Tennesse. My child does not need socks. Do not ask him why he has no socks on. He will just smile at you, blow bubbles at you, or spit up in your general direction. If you have something to say, grow a pair and say it to me. Thank you.

8. A check? Really? Are you aware that it is 2011? Have you heard of this thing called a debit card? Why are you writing a check? And why, oh why did I choose to get in line behind you? If you insist on writing a check, at least have the decency to fill out the date, vendor and sign it while waiting in line. Do not wait until the cashier gives you the total. You bug. 

9. Gangsta in the car next to me. Two things: first of all, I am sure that you like your music, I however, think it is annoying and vulgar and would rather not listen to it. So please do not blast it from your crappy car. Secondly: Put a shirt on. You are not cute, you are not doing yard work, and you are not at the beach. You are at a stop light. Put your shirt on you look like a fool.

10. Gangstas out there: Why do you have nice rims that cost several thousand dollars on your crappy 1993 Dodge Intrigue? Please spend the money to get a new car. No one is impressed that you have nice rims. We are all distracted by your crappy car, your offensive music, and the fact that you have no shirt on.

Thank you.


  1. blinkers.....if you have already changed lanes, finished your turning PLEASE turn off the blinkers. Not only is it annoying but you tend to cause wreaks as people are trying to pull out into traffic.

    Pulling out in traffic......PLEASE do not gas it to get in front of me only to go 15 below the speed limit causing me to invent new words so as my children to not repeat my driving rage.

    Red lights are there for a reason....do NOT run them. I love my children and I don't have money for a new car so if you hit me because you can't see the light is red don't be surprised if I hit you back.

    Wow Carrie this is fun....lol I could go on for a while with this topic. ;)

  2. Excellent! Once again, you had me in stitches. And read my mind. I was snickering over "shut it granny" for a couple of hours.

    Kristen, you crack me up too!

  3. Driver in front of me in traffic every stinking day - when you are traveling through a one-lane 45 mph work zone on the interstate and the speed limit returns to 70 and the other lane opens, please SPEED THE HELL UP OR MOVE so I don't run into you in an effort to stay out of the way of drivers behind me.

    People who leave their trash on the tables in restaurants where it is obviously a DIY operation - you aren't special. Pick up your crap.

    Shortened words or phrases. I am so tired of hearing “live in HD.” Seriously, how hard is it to say “high definition?” Or “fro-yo.” It is FROZEN YOGURT. Seriously, how lazy are you that you can’t even say entire WORDS? This is just evidence of our increasing laziness and ignorance as a society.

    Combining celebrity names. Bennifer? Brangelina? TomKat? Tabloid/Entertainment folks, let’s get real here. These people are famous for pretending to be other people. Sure, they’re good at their craft, but they aren’t exactly saving the world or even making the world a better place. So they don’t deserve special names. More importantly, it’s just freaking annoying.

  4. Holy Moly, Carrie. I agree. Freakin grannys. They do annoy me when they think I am abusing my child just because I do not have a sun hat on them. It is not sunny!!!!!!!!!!! jerks.
    Pet Peeves, good stuff.

  5. Hahaha good one Carrie!

    And hahaha Becky right before you listed shortened words or phrases as a pet peeve you used DIY :-) silly goose! Although I totally get what you're saying. I'd like to combine that with Carrie's 'ax' pet peeve and say I "h8 wen pPl type LyKe dis." Really?! Let's just show the world that you are failing at life!

  6. Aaaaaack! I cannot believe I did that. (Actually, I can; I am a walking dichotomy.) Thanks for catching it! :)